Another Solution to a Vexing Problem

Much has been written and series of droshas have been delivered delineating the excess and extravagance at Yiddishe simchas.  With all the ranker and rhetoric, it appears to me that little has been accomplished.  Yes, I am aware that some Rabbonim have set guidelines for a modest Kiddush when a girl is born or when a Bar-Mitzvah is made, etc.  For the most part, it is still an open field, extremely difficult to control and out of hand.  Awhile ago, I called together a number of prominent couples to discuss this serious issue in hope of finding a proper resolution.  It became quite clear and evident that although these people were aware that unfortunate and undue pressure was being put on their friends of more moderate means, it was not their problem.  Furthermore they explained that when making a wedding there is another family to consider who might not readily or even reluctantly be willing to change or cut back from their normative plans.  After much discussion, what emerged was a statement saying “Rabbi, if it is money that you seek for needy people, this is not a problem.”  We analyzed a few different possibilities of obtaining funds whenever simchas would be made to assist less fortunate individuals unable to make a basic simcha in a modest B’chovodik manner.  Suggestions ranged from a set tzedakah surcharge tax per affair, to a 10-20% tax based upon what you have spent for your simcha.  I was not comfortable with either approach for it would be difficult to monitor and implement.  I suggested an alternative approach which was warmly received and I am happy to report that it was successfully implemented albeit on a relatively small scale.  It is this idea and concept that I would like publicize since I believe it has tremendous potential generating tens of thousands of dollars of צדקה in addition to becoming a chinuch model of how to help others.  Each and every Rav would choose a number of organizations from those that make Brisim and Bar Mitzvahs for Russians to mosdos of chesed that are making weddings for עניים and תלמידים חכמים, both here and in Eretz Yisroel.  A set amount would be asked of the baal simcha which would help sponsor a simcha similar to the one that they are presently making. In addition to the tremendous tzedakah that has been generated, I have found that many Baalei Simcha are more than delighted to ‘match a simcha’ thus being מכיר טוב to הקב''ה for their personal joy and happiness.

The following story is illustrative of this phenomenon.  A number of years ago a very distinguished maggid shiur came to my office asking for assistance in marrying off his daughter.  I gave him a check from my discretionary fund and he then asked if I could call one or two Baalei Batim who might be helpful.  One of the individuals who I had in mind was making a chasuna that night for his daughter so I thought it would be most appropriate.  When I phoned, I could hear the harried feeling in his voice for he was just about to leave with the entire family to the wedding hall.  I asked him if I could be ‘mezaka’ him with a mitzvah right before the chasuna.  He obliged, and later at the chasuna, pulled me to the side and thanked me profusely for giving him an added dimension of simcha as he marched his daughter to the chuppa – namely helping another kallah and her father, a Talmid Chochom.

The following letter is but a sample of what we have done at Congregation Shaaray Tefila that can be duplicated in similar fashion in Shuls around the globe.

Dear _________________________: עמו''ש

Hearty ברכת מזל טוב on the simcha of your family.

As you are aware, the Shul has established a Simcha Fund, intended to enable members to express gratitude to Hashem during a time of personal simcha by rendering assistance to someone in need celebrating a simcha similar to our own.  Should you wish to participate in the fund, we recommend you make a contribution in celebration of your current simcha.

Bris: To Shoroshim, an organization that arranges brisim for Russian adolescents and men.  The cost of sponsoring a bris, including the services of a mohel and a physician, the use of hospital facilities and a small seudah is $360.

Bar Mitzvah: Yeshiva Be’er HaGoleh, a high school for Russian boys.  The costs of a complete Bar-Mitzvah celebration, including a Kiddush, is $1,000; a pair of tefillin is $400; a new suit and pair of shoes is $300.

Chasuna: To Yad Eliezer, a major Israeli organization that provides hundreds of needy families with a wide variety of assistance.  The cost of sponsoring a wedding is $1,000.

Additionally, you can make a donation of $250 or more to the shul Simcha Fund (checks to be made out to Congregation Shaaray Tefila Simcha Fund) which assists families in our shul and community who are in dire need and unable to make a simcha on their own.

Checks should be made directly to the order of these respective institutions and delivered to the Shul, which we will be pleased to remit to them on your behalf.

Cordially,

Perhaps the following true story will put our priorities in perspective.  In Europe there was a well known philanthropist by the name of Brodsky who was often visited by גדולי ישראל soliciting him for all types of צרכי ציבור.  On one such occasion Rav Zalman Sorotzkin who was a frequent visitor asked Mr. Brodsky for 50,000 ruble, a hefty sum of money by all standards.  Brodsky was aghast upon hearing the sum of money for in the past Rav Zalman had requested a much more modest sum.  Rav Zalman Sorotzkin then asked Brodsky if he understood the halacha of מעשר בהמה, the tithing of livestock.  When Brodsky responded in the negative, Rav Zalman proceeded to explain to him the חכמה of the רבונו של עולם in this mitzvah.  Halacha requires us to count out each animal from the corral with the tenth one being מעשר as the פסוק states: כל אשר יעביר תחת השבט העשירי יהיה” “קודש  Rav Zalman asked, “Why did this procedure have to take place when you could simply just take off ten animals from the one hundred in your corral and designate them as מעשר? Rav Sorotzkin said to Brodsky, “The  רבונו של עולם knows quite well how difficult it is for a Jew to part with his hard earned money even for fulfillment of the great mitzvah of צדקה.”  Hence, in order to make it more plausible for a human being to part with his hard earned money, הקב''ה makes you count out the first nine animals for yourself, i.e. one for Brodsky, two for Brodsky, three for Brodsky, etc. and one, namely the tenth, for Hashem.  The process then continues, eleven for Brodsky, twelve for Brodsky, thirteen for Brodsky, etc. and one, namely the twentieth, for Hashem.  In this manner, explained Rav Zalman, a person realizes the overwhelming amount of his possessions and that indeed the part that he is giving as מעשר is truly small and insignificant in comparison to his assets. After this analysis, Rav Zalman turned to Brodsky, “It seems that 50,000 ruble is a lot of money but after you count up all of your accounts and count up what you truly possess, you will see that what you are being asked for צדקה is really minimal.”

I believe then, that this should be our perspective as well when we spend exorbitant sums of money for an evening, even for a שמחה של מצוה; that the amount we give for the ever enduring mitzvah of צדקה, should somehow reflect our personal expenditures.

Let us indeed be zocheh to make many simchas for our own families and simultaneously assist in bringing true simcha to so many of אחינו בני ישראל who are less fortunate than we.