A Smile Takes But A Moment – The Memory Lasts Forever

by Rabbi Dovid Weinberger

            With this initial article, we are inaugurating the AOK community-wide initiative to promote acts of chesed throughout the neighborhood. Our hope is that we can generate a tremendous sense of unity with our friends, acquaintances, our irreligious and non-Jewish neighbors. This first week we will focus on the attribute of sever panim yafos displaying a happy countenance.

            Our rabbis in the Talmud (Kesubos 111b) state in the name of Rav Yochanan “greater is the person who shows the whites of his teeth to his friend than one who offers him a cup of milk.” Similarly, we find a statement in Avos d’Rav Nosson (Perek 13-4) “and you shall receive everyone with a happy countenance.”

            The Baalei Mussar point out that if on a very hot day you find yourself in a desert thirsting for some fluid, you would be overjoyed and thrilled if somebody would offer you a refreshing cold glass of milk. Yet our Sages teach us that even if one were to give you all the gifts in the world with a negative countenance it’s as if he didn’t give you anything. On the other hand, if you just give your smile without any gift, Chazal equate that to giving you all the gifts in the world far more than quenching a thirst. Unfortunately, in our materialistic driven society we focus on objects and not subjects. Our Chazal however, are teaching us what really motivates and moves a person is the joyous relationship that we sense between ourselves and others that comes through the whiteness of our teeth namely – our smile.

            The Seforim point out that the word for face in Hebrew is panim which is the same word that refers to our inside namely p’nim, spelled identically the same פנים to teach us that our face reflects our inner feelings about the other person. As the adage goes, “Looks can kill” or in fact give life and strength. There are so many opportunities that we have on a daily basis to engage family, friends and just random people in the stores and streets where our facial expressions either produce negative feelings or can be uplifting and encouraging. How a husband and wife say goodbye in the morning or greet one another in the evening can have a tremendous effect on their relationship. Undoubtedly children sense and feel love with a mother and father’s smile or piercing eyes that are like daggers that go through their heart. All too often we fail to realize that appropriately greeting an employee, co-worker, or employer is not about the person who we enjoy seeing, or we expect to gain something from in return, but rather a halachic mandate. Shamai says in Avos (Perek 1-15) “Receive every person with a happy countenance.” Rabbeinu Yona, one of our great Rishonim explains that one’s face should radiate with joy. Rav Dessler asks a striking question on this mishna. This statement about greeting people with happiness and joy would seem to be more aptly applicable to the lifestyle of Hillel who posits to be like the students of Aharon, ohev Shalom and rodef Shalom – a lover and pursuer of peace. Rav Dessler explains that the attribute of Shamai was that of din, strict justice and that with this statement he is teaching us that showing a happy countenance to others is the din, the halachic requirement. We must remember that no different than other halachos that require a certain mode of behavior, whether we are in the mood or not, this midda obligates us to express through our facial appearance a positive, uplifting and joyous face whenever we meet kol adam- any human being. The Meiri takes this concept a step further and points out that the mishna in Avos uses the word  בסבר- b’sever, when it could have simply just said, receive everyone with a happy face. This comes to teach us as the Hebrew word indicates that it would appear to others that you are happy even though in reality you are not. This obligation of displaying your “happy face” dictates a mode of behavior even in situation where we are disturbed or upset, we nonetheless must put on a make believe face of joy and happiness.

            This obligation is also mentioned in regard to the giving of tzedaka and recorded in Shulchan Orech, Yoreh Deah (Siman 249-3). The halacha states that you must give tzedaka with a happy countenance, with joy and with a good heart …and if you gave (tzedaka) with an angry face or negative countenance; you lose the merit even if you gave a substantial sum of money. How careful we must be then in our relationship with the many solicitors that frequent our community. The Five Towns B”H has a wonderful name in the realm of tzedaka for mosdos haTorah and aniyim. We mistakenly think that the amount of money given is the primary issue and fulfillment of this mitzvah. The aforementioned halacha must make us pause and reflect on the manner and form and how this mitzvah important mitzvah is fulfilled. How we give the tzedaka and receive the poor man or solicitor is the primary aspect of the mitzvah.

            An additional dimension in the realm of sever panim yafos is that of making a Kiddush Hashem. The Talmud (Yoma 86a) comments, a person who deals ethically in business and speaks softly and appropriately with others is extolled and praised ultimately creating a Kiddush Hashem. The Rambam in Hilchos Yesodei Hatorah (Chapter 5) enumerates a number of scenarios that are included in the category of Chilul Hashem as well as the opposite which are a Kiddush Hashem. One of those scenarios listed is receiving people b’sever panim yafos. A person who acts in this fashion is viewed by others in a positive light, is praised and ultimately is a role model of what a religious person is meant to be. The influence of this small deed can have unimaginable benefits in the manner that we as Torah Jews live our life. The following story which I read a number of years ago teaches us how sever panim yafos can literally save your life.

Good Morning,

Herr Müller

            Near the city of Danzig lived a well-to-do Hasidic Rabbi, scion of prominent Hasidic dynasties. Dressed in a tailored black suit, wearing a top hat, and carrying a silver walking cane, the rabbi would take his daily morning stroll, accompanied by his tall, handsome son-in-law. During his morning walk it was the rabbi’s custom to greet every man, woman and child whom he met on his way with a warm smile and a cordial “Good morning.” Over the years the rabbi became acquainted with many of his fellow townspeople this way and would always greet them by their proper title and name.

            Near the outskirts of town, in the fields, he would exchange greetings with Herr Müller, a Polish Volksdeutsche (ethnic German). “Good morning, Herr Müller!” the rabbi would hasten to greet the man who worked in the fields. “Good morning, Herr Rabbiner!” would come the response with a good-natured smile.

            Then the war began. The rabbi’s strolls stopped abruptly. Herr Müller donned an S.S. uniform and disappeared from the fields. The fate of the rabbi was like that of much of the rest of Polish Jewry. He lost his family in the death camp of Treblinka and, after great suffering was deported to Auschwitz.

            One day, during a selection at Aushwitz, the rabbi stood on line with hundreds of other Jews awaiting the moment when their fates would be decided, for life or death. Dressed in a striped camp uniform, head and beard shaven and eyes feverish from starvation and disease, the rabbi looked like a walking skeleton. “Right! Left, left, left!” The voice in the distance drew nearer. Suddenly the rabbi had a great urge to see the face of the man with the snow-white gloves, small baton, and steely voice who played God and decided who should live and who should die. He lifted his eyes and heard his own voice speaking:

            “Good morning, Herr Müller!”

            “Good morning, Herr Rabbiner!” responded a human voice beneath the S.S. cap adorned with skull and bones. “What are you doing here?” A faint smile appeared on the rabbi’s lips. The baton moved to the right – to life. The following day, the rabbi was transferred to a safer camp.

            The rabbi, now in his eighties, told me in his gentle voice, “This is the power of a good-morning greeting. A man must always greet his fellow man.”

A smile costs nothing but gives much.

It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give.

It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it.

Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.

Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

~Author Unknown